🧨 Clive’s Cut: Guernsey FC vs. Seaford Town
Final Score: Guernsey 1 – Seaford Town 0 Scorer: Sam Murray (74′) Venue: Victoria Park Clive’s Mood: Grimly satisfied. Like a man who’s won a bet on a snail race.
🗞️ “One Goal, Three Red Cards, and a Sin Bin. Welcome to the Southern Combination.”
Sam Murray marked his 100th appearance with the only goal of the game, slotting through the keeper’s legs after a tidy pass from Tom Vaudin. It was a moment of clarity in a match otherwise defined by scrappy midfield battles and Seaford’s descent into chaos.
Callum Le Lacheur had the best chance of the first half—if you count “nearly” as a metric. Ross Allen went close, Brandon Wallace sent one over, and then finally, Murray delivered. But the real fireworks came late: Seaford ended with eight men after two red cards and a sin-bin for their captain. It was less football, more courtroom drama.
⚽ Clive’s Cleaver Ratings
| Player | Rating | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| Sam Murray | 8/10 | Match-winner. Celebrated his century with style. |
| Tom Vaudin | 7.5/10 | Assist and composure. Still allergic to headlines. |
| Ross Allen | 6.5/10 | Threatened, but no end product. |
| Brandon Wallace | 7/10 | Crosses improving. Still needs polish. |
| Josh Addison | 7/10 | Clean sheet, barely tested. |
| Callum Le Lacheur | 6.5/10 | Energetic, but finishing boots were on backwards. |
🧠Tactical Take
Guernsey’s second win in two games, and they’re one of just five sides with a perfect start. But the midfield still lacks rhythm, and the attack relies too heavily on individual sparks. The defence held firm, though mostly because Seaford imploded before they could test it.
🗣️ Clive’s Verdict
“A win’s a win. But if this is what promotion football looks like, I’d rather watch the parish council argue about bin schedules.”
